How to become fat and lazy…English Muffin Bread

First of all, allow me to tell you all a story. There is this Chinese fable. See, there was this very very lazy man (not sure if he was fat, but I’d imagine so), so lazy that he did nothing all day, everyday, except open his mouth when his wife feeds him. Surprisingly she did that everyday, if I were her I’d have filed for divorce a long time ago. But one day, she had to leave. Her mother was sick and she had to go visit her for about a week. She, being the good wife that she is, figured out an ingenious way of feeding her husband while she was gone. She made this great big flat bread with a hole in the centre, like a giant donut, and put it around his head. When he became hungry all he had to do was open his mouth and eat the bread. Lazy huh? And I thought my boyfriend was bad. ;P The wife, satisfied with her handiwork, left for her mother’s. A week later she comes back to find the poor man lying on the ground, starving to death. She was extremely confused because she thought the bread would last all week. And it did. In fact, more than half was untouched. She was very puzzled so she bent down to examine him. Guess what had happened? I was exasperated when I read this, I think you would be too, and get a good laugh out of it. When the man had eaten all the bread that was in directly front of his mouth, he was too lazy to use his hands to turn the bread around so he could begin eating the other side! Thus the man starved. The ultimate laziness.

What does this have to do with this lovely loaf of bread you ask? I am going to become that man if someone doesn’t stop me. Well, kind of. First I gotta make bread, which actually partially contributes to my laziness. There’s no kneading. None whatsoever involved. Now, I don’t mind kneading bread dough. But I just might form a habit of not kneading bread if they all turn out this good. And addictive. See me stealing a sliver even before the loaf is anywhere close to being cool?

I just couldn’t keep away. It was too good to be true. Warm. Soft. Buttered. Fragrant. Waiting for me. (To get fat but totally worth it)

Make this bread right now and proclaim yourself lazy. 😀

Note: This bread makes terrific toast as well. All the more reason to make it.

English Muffin Bread

(makes one loaf, I cut mine down to fit a 6 inch round glass pan)
adapted from the King Arthur website

3 cups flour
1 Tbsp. sugar
1/4 tsp. baking soda
1 Tbsp. instant yeast
1 tsp. salt

1 cup milk
1/4 cup water
2 Tbsp. oil

Mix all dry ingredients together in a large bowl. Heat milk and water in a cup in the microwave until hot, but not burning to the touch, about 120-130 degrees. Pour into dry ingredients along with the oil. Stir, stir and stir. For about 3-5 minutes. The dough will be very soft, hardly a dough at all, more of a stiff batter consistency. Spoon into greased 9 x 5 loaf pan. (I sprinkled mine with cornmeal) Cover with plastic wrap.

Let rise for about 45 minutes to 1 hour, or until doubled. Bake in a 375 degree oven for 25 to 30 minutes, or until golden brown. Then attack it with a knife, or your hands 😉 and slather with butter. And bask in your laziness.

See that there? That’s a little puddle of happiness. Creamy melt-on-your-tongue happiness. The love of my life. (Sorry hon’) 😉

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